


Emotions

by Wildest_Woofy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Frustration, Gen, Not really angst just kinda melancholy?, One-Shot, Sad, many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25986067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildest_Woofy/pseuds/Wildest_Woofy
Summary: Castiel chose to take the night off and watch the constantly changing sky—left alone with just him and his thoughts.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wrote this one cus I was feeling down! It might not be very interesting but- I hope you guys think so!

The night sky was twinkling with bright stars, and the moon that rested above shone its borrowed light, illuminating the grassy hills below. Sitting atop one of these hills was an angel of the lord—Castiel—though one who was newly fallen; it had not been very long since he used an angel warding seal on one of his higher-ups, leaked confidential information to a human, and then attempted to prevent what Heaven was trying to start. All of these things would classify as treason against the clouds, and he was sure he’d be slaughtered on sight if he ever attempted to return. 

Therefore, he sat upon this hill, head tilted up to the sky as he took in the rather beautiful sight. The Winchesters were asleep, his pursuit of God was not going well, and thus he needed a break. Even if this break consisted of just watching the stars and thinking silently to himself.

The things he felt now were odd. Difficult to wrap his head around. Especially these... emotions. Extreme elation? Dragging depression? Fuming vexation? Of course, angels felt emotions like these to an extent—but never as strongly as humans did. They were duller; duller because they were told never to give them much thought. Never to indulge in them. 

Was he indulging now? Had he slipped up somewhere along the road? Or had Heaven’s power numbed these feelings before, and now that he was cut off, he could really feel them? He didn’t know. What he did know, however, was that these emotions were beginning to affect him in the way they affected humans, and he had no clue what to do about it. They had never been so severe before. 

They made him think things he never assumed were possible to think. Things about his family, his father, his friends, this situation—even himself. There was the frustration, for one. Frustration with Sam and Dean, but that wasn’t as great as his frustration with his brothers and sisters. After all, they started a huge event that would forever affect humankind. All for their own selfishness. 

Then the frustration landed on himself, as he only decided to act when it was far too late. If he had said something much sooner, perhaps they would have been able to stop Sam from killing Lilith—from freeing Lucifer. 

And then it went to his Father. A frustration he was shameful to admit, but existed. His Father was God. Yet He had not stepped in at all, and now he, himself, was on a fruitless hunt to find Him. To try to fix the mistakes God allowed his brothers and sisters to make. 

Angels were supposed to watch over heaven, and be protectors of humankind. Not destroy it. They were never supposed to destroy it. Yet they allied with Hell to bring about the biblical apocalypse, just so /they/ could have paradise when all was said and done, no matter the lives sacrificed to get there. 

Castiel let out a soft sigh, hanging his head as he now focused on each individual blade of grass. He was... tired. Not physically tired, as all humans experience sometime in their lives—but mentally. Not only was the situation at hand almost hopeless, but all these new emotions led to stresses he didn’t even know existed before now.   
It was all... too much for him. He felt overwhelmed. 

And to think humans dealt with stresses similar to these, fatigue similar to this—it amazed him as much as it upset him. Humans... they were strong, for carrying all of this weight on their shoulders. He knew they didn’t deserve to, that they deserved much better. But that wasn’t what they had, and they worked with it. 

...  
Which is why he had to work with it too. No matter how difficult it was. 


End file.
